Sometimes, there are things I want to write about--feelings, frustrations, thoughts--that I know I will never put in this blog. Although it would feel good to get them off my chest, that's just not what this is for. Everyone's life has bumps and potholes. Sometimes they feel more like the Rockie Mountains or the Grand Canyon, because you're in them.
Talking to someone who understands or writing in a journal helps me feel better, and then I find I just have to keep on. Keep on with the good stuff, with whatever makes life feel right, productive, happy. The troubles are still there when I get done, but a funny thing happens when I get myself into a more positive place: things seem less of a problem, and sometimes solutions just come to me. I read today about the top 10 things that assure longevity, and one of them was just not taking life, or yourself, too seriously. Life's too short as it is to be unhappy, but hey, if I decide to be happy I'll live longer! How cool is that?
My biggest problem is standing up to problems. I don't like making tough decisions, confronting, drawing lines, asserting my position, being the Bad Guy. I like to ask nicely, and have life go, "Oh, sure, whatever you want." I have to really think things through, get myself armed and ready, then go forward into battle. I can't wait until the smoke clears and I can be done, at least for the moment if not for good, and go back to being easy-going, live-and-let-live. I just want to go back to doing the things that make me happy.
There are so many things that bring me a really deep sense of happiness. I'm sure these things are there for everyone, but maybe they're not the SAME things. I love when I get up in the morning, and nothing hurts too bad, and I'm out of bed and outside to feed goats and horses before the sun rises. There is nothing like watching the sun appear slowly over the horizon, mist rising from the ground through the oak woods, listening to the birds beginning to stir and call: a quail, a woodpecker, sometimes an owl with a backwards good-night. When the weather is cold, it's so satisfying to make fires in the wood stoves at either end of the house, and when they catch nicely, watching my dogs curled up next to them to keep warm. I feel so good when my barn is all tidied up for the day, everything neat and in its place, ready for a ride. I feel especially good after a ride, after moving and working and sweating to reach that place where I am the brains and my horse is the legs and we are going places together. I get satisfaction out of stocking my cupboards, and cooking good meals. I love talking to my family, and when anyone calls or stops by I usually drop whatever I'm doing and make time to just talk. It really lifts my spirits to lavish "pets and love" on my dogs, and it makes me very, very happy to have Dottie out at the barn with me while I do chores. There's just something about watching her busy being a dog, exploring with complete concentration, or going nose-to-nose with the horses, or dropping whatever she's doing to come running when I call, tongue and ears flapping, tail wagging, happiness personified. That kind of joy is so contagious.
Those are just a few of the things that make me happy. I don't need a trip to Disneyland. I don't even need a trip to Paris, although I would LOVE one and it would make me ECSTATIC to go there again, someday, but my real happiness doesn't depend on that. My happiness comes from things much simpler and closer to home, and I don't take one of them for granted. It's nice to know they're all right here, ready to enjoy, especially when those bumps and potholes come along.
What makes you happy?
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