The title of this blog is also the title of a book I have most recently fallen in love with, so much so that I went out and bought a copy for my daughter, Jaime. When I asked the clerk at my local Barnes and Noble to check if they had a copy of it, he repeated the title but pronounced it "baby". "No, bebe," I corrected, smiling, "it's French." (He must have thought I was an idiot.) The subtitle is: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting.
It's by Pamela Druckerman, who wrote it while living and raising her 3 children in Paris. I enjoyed the book so much because I discovered that I am more a French parent than an American one, and I'm relieved to realize why I often feel out of step with my American friends. I guess it's in my genes, therefore I'm not to blame. Being a parent, especially in America evidently, is a tricky business and very challenging, and I'll take validation wherever I can get it.
Besides being full of interesting, thought-provoking cultural comparisons, the book is funny, and I laughed out loud quite a bit as I was reading. It's great to learn and be simultaneously entertained. (See, I can multitask.) I'm sad now that I've finished reading it; I want to hear more. Maybe she'll write a sequel.
In some ways, I am very much not a French parent. Children in France go to day care from a very young age, although the author of Bringing up Bebe is careful to define the differences between French and American day care. Maybe if day care in America were more like that in France, I would feel differently about it. I'm sure there are good, very good, and not-so-good facilities in both countries. Like Druckerman, I've had strong feelings of wanting to raise my own children, especially when they're young, myself. Beyond saying that, I won't ruin the book for you.
However, I have decided that, according to this book, all French parents, in spite of sending their children to school-like institutions from a very young age, are actually home-schoolers. The reason for this is that their central philosophy is that a child must be gently guided to awaken to the world. Her autonomy and unique personality must be respected and allowed to blossom. This is not anarchy, however; there are boundaries, but lots of room within them for individuality. It's a good balance, as described by Druckerman. This is one thing I like to think I have in common with French parents.
The other one is, not surprisingly, their approach to food. French children learn to eat almost everything, and behave in restaurants. Our family's passion for food is not normal. Time and time again, my children's friends have discovered heretofore unknown foods in our home, and even learned to like them. Eating out for us is not just about nourishment, it is an adventure, and as close to church as we get (attending theatrical presentations runs a close second). My kids have grown up knowing all the firm rules of restaurant behavior, and how eating and conversing together is an important part of every day. An integral part of our daily homeschool curriculum is a course we call Nutrition 101, whose reoccurring lecture involves a reminder of the importance of eating a "wide variety of foods in as close to their natural state as possible," i.e., fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. This is so we can not feel guilty when we eat chocolate like it's a food group all its own, which, coincidentally, is a French practice.
When my kids were babies, I enjoyed speaking another language besides English with them a lot of the time. I thought it was good for them to stretch their vocal and language abilities, starting from the time they first began to use language. With my daughter, Megan, I spoke French, and as she began to speak she knew several words and phrases only in French. Pas pour manger meant she wasn't to put something in her mouth, and she said it "Pa-pa-pa." Each day when her dad left for work she told him "aurevoir" and waved. If she dropped something, she would say "tomber" (pronounced tom-bay). Reading Bringing Up Bebe has been a deeper look into a culture I already love and in which I now feel even more at home. It connects me with a whole lot of other people on the other side of the world, and that's exciting. I love how books can do that.
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